Meehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

All week long I've been helping other people make up their minds, helping people make decisions that they should be able to make on their own, and listening to them drone on about details about their day, what they were thinking, how they made their decisions--forcing stories that don't interest me in the slightest. The second I start thinking about something that interests me, something that's important to me, the phone rings, or I get another email, or my wife or my mother or my father or my boss asks to think about something else. I keep being distracted by one thing after another, when all I want to do is worry about the one ro two things that have any relevance.
I want, I need, a better job, either in a school, publishing ro possibly a non-profit of some kind or another, Iw ant to take my writing workshop and be able to devote some serious thought to it, and I want to start applying for Masters in education. I'm either going to go to school part time while working (maybe as an editorial assistant), or go into this program where you student teach as a job as well as take ed classes on the non-teaching days.
Every second I have to sit still and have a quiet moment, where I can think about writing, plan my education, I get an email from my mother suggesting a different program, or Beanz asks me to make a different plan, to think about and worry about our vacation (which won't be coming up for almost five months!), Tony starts droning on about the completely and totally ordinary day he's had, Russ or Armen or someone else at work starts freaking about over something completely stupid and juvenile. My job is dragging me down into a world of ignorance, laziness and simple-mindedness, and my home life is sometimes like the horrible radio, a constant distracting white noise of repetitive, annoying mundane logistical details, purely ordinary little details I don't want to think about, a decision I would normally just make without agonizing it over.
The main difference btween em and Beanz is that she takes every decision like they're equally important: she agonizes ove rit for weeks (years, sometimes), reads up on it, and talks about it constantly, and then in the end she winds up makign a snap ecision and worrying if it was right. Because sometimes you can only make a snap decision. No matter how much you plan, you're going to overlook one key detail that totally hanges the range of choices you can even consider.
I on the other hand, refuse to worry about minor decisions. They simply slide to the back of my mind, where I consider them offhand, then I think about it seriously for a very short time, before just making the decision so I don't have to worry about it anymore. She's incredibly indesive because she's afraid to make the wrong decision, but she has to make the decisions in the end, so she always needs my help to help her consider the options (playing Devil's advocate is what it feels like to me). I simply don't make decisions, until I have to, and then I make them swiftly, decisively and with minor but wll-planned considerations. Other than that, I play eveyrthing by ear. She can't play anything by ear, ever.